


I have seen what the darkness does

by Taliesin_niseilaT



Series: Meet Me In The Woods [2]
Category: The Flash (TV 2014)
Genre: 3x15 "The Wrath of Savitar", Anger, M/M, Swearing, Trauma, Unrequited Love
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-03-13
Updated: 2017-03-13
Packaged: 2018-10-04 12:23:13
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 782
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10277876
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Taliesin_niseilaT/pseuds/Taliesin_niseilaT
Summary: Barry tries to apologise for his treatment of Julian in ‘The Wrath of Savitar’. It doesn’t go down well. Or, Julian going on a well-deserved cathartic rant.





	

**Author's Note:**

> The title is from ‘Meet Me In The Woods’ by Lord Huron.

_i have seen what the darkness does_

 

Julian just wants some peace of mind. One day spent without being forced to relive his trauma, one evening in his apartment with a favourite movie. Maybe he shouldn’t have expected that sort of freedom when he joined Team Flash.

 

He’s been thinking in circles ever since he got home and flopped down on the sofa. He thinks of the moment it all started, the moment his dead sister appeared to him bright as day. He thinks of Emma, like he does every day. He thinks of India, of his team.

 

The team that he killed. No. The team that Savitar _made_ him kill. Is there really that much difference between the two?

 

He thinks of Alchemy’s crimes, of lying and manipulating and bestowing powers upon people who would be far better off without them. Then he thinks about Barry, who was supposed to help him but has become so tied up with his own selfish needs there is no room for Julian’s. He thought maybe if they were working closely together, sharing the biggest secret in Barry’s life, that they might become... Never mind what he thought. Fuck him anyway, fuck Barry Allen, fuck his sad green eyes, fuck his smart mouth. _In your dreams,_ his inner voice sneers.

And then Barry has the goddamn guts to come knocking at his door. Julian glances at his watch. It’s nearly nine o’clock in the evening, for fuck’s sake. He tries to slam the door in Barry’s face, but of course he just uses his powers to get one over on Julian. They stare each other down in the hallway of Julian’s apartment.

‘Go home, Barry. You’ve done enough for one day.’

‘Julian, I –’

‘ _What?_ ’ he snarls, ‘What more could you possibly need from me? I went into that room and let Savitar violate me _twice_ today for you, Barry, for _you!_ I can’t believe I thought we were _friends._ ’

‘I came to apologise,’ Barry says quietly.

‘Did you?’ Julian scoffs.

‘Listen. When Caitlin kidnapped you -’

‘What is this to you, an opportunity to list _Julian Albert’s Greatest Hits_? Just stop it, alright?’

‘When she kidnapped you,’ Barry insists, ‘You told me my moral compass was broken. I resented it because I knew you were right.’

‘Congratulations. Shall I get the violins out?’

‘Julian, I’m _sorry.’_

‘You think that’s gonna cut it this time? You’ve got no idea what you’re doing.’

‘I’m trying to save –’

‘Yes, save Iris, I’ve heard it a million times. You stumbled into the future, saw something you weren’t supposed to see, and now you’ve become so obsessed with stopping it that you’re playing right into Savitar’s hands. You don’t care who gets hurt in the process. You don’t care about the consequences of fucking with timelines, even though you’ve experienced them first hand. By fighting so hard to protect Iris you’re just throwing us all into the line of fire. But the end justifies the means, huh?’ Julian pauses for breath while Barry stares at him in shock. ‘I never meant to –’

‘I’m not done! Did it ever occur to you that even if you save Iris, someone else is probably going to die in the process? We’ve already lost Wally. How are you gonna feel if Joe dies? If you have to bury a father _again?_ ’

‘Why would you say that?’ Barry whispers.

‘Because you need to hear it, Barry. You’re fucking up big time. You forced me to go back to letting Savitar into my head. Do you have any idea what that’s like? I’m never going to remember what I did as Alchemy and you’re adding more black holes to my memory. I swore I’d never –’ He stops when he registers the fear in Barry’s eyes and it serves to calm him down a little. ‘Never what?’ Barry ventures after a moment of silence.

‘Never let anyone have that much power over me anymore.’ Julian refuses to look at him now, too afraid to show his pain. Instead, he concludes his rant. ‘Get your shit together. If you don’t, then Savitar’s already won and we might as well pack up and go home.’

Barry rubs the back of his neck, like he often does when he’s in distress. ‘I just – I can’t work it out, Julian. I thought I could beat him, with all of you by my side.’

Julian nods sadly. ‘Maybe if you stop using us like pawns and start treating us more like a team.’

 

There isn’t really anything Barry can say to that, so he makes his way to the door and turns around to tell Julian, ‘I really am sorry.’

 

Then he’s gone.


End file.
